How I Can Help
Why do you keep doing things you don't want to do?
Perhaps you keep putting other people first, even when it's making you unhappy. Maybe you avoid difficult conversations, struggle to trust your judgement or push yourself to keep going when you're already exhausted.
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You might know what you want to change. You might even understand why you need to change it. But somehow, you keep finding yourself back in the same place.
There is usually a reason.
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The way you behave today may have developed because it helped you deal with difficult experiences earlier in life. You learned to keep the peace, avoid conflict, work harder, stay in control or make sure other people were happy.
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Those responses may once have helped you cope. But they can become habits that affect your relationships, confidence, work and wellbeing.
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Counselling can help you understand why you respond the way you do, what those responses are costing you now, and how you might begin to do things differently.
Individual Counselling
Understand yourself. Change what isn't working.
You don't have to be in crisis to benefit from counselling. Sometimes you simply reach a point where the way you're living isn't working for you anymore.
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You might be struggling with anxiety, low self-worth, difficult emotions or the feeling that you're never quite good enough. Perhaps you keep making the same choices, find it difficult to say no or spend too much time worrying about what other people think.
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You may be frustrated with yourself because you know what you want to do but can't seem to follow through.
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Rather than simply telling yourself to think differently or try harder, we can explore why these patterns developed and what keeps them going.
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The aim is to help you understand yourself more clearly, make sense of your reactions and develop more choice over how you respond.​
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Counselling may help if you:
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Keep putting other people's needs before your own.
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Struggle with confidence or feel you're never good enough.
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Find it difficult to express what you need.
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Avoid situations where you might upset or disappoint someone.
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Feel stuck in familiar patterns despite wanting things to change.
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Want to understand yourself better and make different choices.
Controlling Relationships & Self-Trust
When you've spent so long managing someone else, it's easy to lose yourself.
Living with controlling behaviour can gradually change the way you see yourself.
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You may find yourself constantly thinking about how someone else will react. You might rehearse conversations, avoid certain subjects, apologise to keep the peace or question whether you're being unreasonable.
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Over time, it can become difficult to know what you think, what you feel or what you have a right to expect.
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Even when you recognise that something isn't right, acting on that knowledge can be surprisingly difficult. You may blame yourself, remember the good times or convince yourself that things will improve if you just get things right.
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Counselling can help you understand how you became caught in these patterns and begin to rebuild trust in your own judgement.
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We can explore what has happened, what responsibility belongs to you and what belongs to the other person, and how you can start making decisions based on what you know and need rather than fear of their reaction.
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Counselling may help if you:
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Feel as though you're walking on eggshells.
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Constantly question whether you've done something wrong.
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Take responsibility for another person's moods or behaviour.
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Find it difficult to set boundaries or say no.
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Keep believing apologies even when the behaviour doesn't change.
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Have left a controlling relationship but are struggling to trust yourself again.
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You don't have to work everything out at once. The first step may simply be making sense of what has happened.
Stress, Burnout & High-Functioning
Being good at coping doesn't mean you have to keep coping this way.
From the outside, you may look as though you've got everything under control.
You get things done. You take responsibility. People rely on you to solve problems and keep things moving.
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But underneath, you may be exhausted, constantly thinking about work or struggling to switch off. You might find it difficult to delegate, ask for help or accept that something is good enough.
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Perhaps you take responsibility for things that aren't yours to fix. You avoid difficult conversations because you don't want to upset people. Or you keep pushing yourself because slowing down feels uncomfortable.
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These habits can be useful in certain situations. The difficulty comes when they become the only way you know how to operate.
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Counselling offers an opportunity to look at what drives these responses, why it feels so difficult to do things differently and what you might be sacrificing to keep everything going.
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Counselling may help if you:
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Feel responsible for keeping everything together.
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Struggle to switch off or allow yourself to rest.
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Find it difficult to delegate or ask for support.
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Avoid confrontation even when important things need addressing.
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Put work or other people's expectations ahead of your own needs.
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Appear successful but feel under pressure, dissatisfied or overwhelmed.
The aim isn't to make you less capable. It's to help you find ways of working and living that don't depend on constantly pushing yourself.
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You don't have to know exactly what's wrong before you ask for help.
You might recognise yourself in one of these areas, or your difficulties may cross several of them. That's fine. We can start with what's happening in your life now and work out what would be useful to explore.
Book a free 30-minute chat below
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Call 01386 571 114 or get in touch to arrange an initial conversation.
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There's no need to have all the answers before we talk.
30 min