Some common areas where business owners and managers are their own worst enemy

Are you, your own worst enemy?

1: Thinking that their staff are trying to kill them

2: Thinking that they are the only one who can get a job done

3: Sacrificing themselves and their families for a distant dream

4: Absolutely no self-compassion, none, zilch, nada

5: Standards which are so high/impossible that they constantly feel like a failure

6: Thinking their behaviour has got them where they are so continuing to repeat the same mistakes over and over again

7: Fearing if they do reduce the pressure they will turn into a lazy, feckless waste of space

8: No working out what their fears are and instead of building their business to counteract these fears they stop trusting people around them

9: Just not living their life and just surviving.

These are just a few of the scenarios that I have come across both personally as a company director and speaking with my clients who are MDs and senior leaders. All of these problems have a destructive and corrosive effect on people’s lives and because these behaviours have got them to where they are, the idea of stopping or reducing them is almost impossible to comprehend.

The problem is, these behaviours, generally have nothing to do with their success and I have found will actually stop them from progressing. Let’s take number one, a classic, staff are a joy to behold everyday and I am sure we could all swap horror stories of the behaviours we have had to deal with, but there is one question I always like to ask when I talk about a staff member – are they trying to kill me?

If the answer is yes, then stop and maybe phone the police – alternatively, if you actually believe that your employee isn’t trying to hurt or disrupt you and your organisation, then you have to ask yourself what is going on? Why are they behaving the way they are? You know they aren’t purposely trying to hurt you, so it must be something else, something deeper.

Working that out is the key, they are a puzzle that needs to be solved and to make things even more challenging they are probably behaving in a way that is triggered subconsciously and so they don’t even know they are doing it – nice.

We are given things called conditions of worth – behaviours that are boosted by our parents or important people as children that turn into strongly held beliefs and almost like a set of rules that we live by. A good example is when you do well at school your parents congratulate you and maybe put your work on the fridge, you take pride in that and with all the warm feelings, your brain goes, ah to get praise I need to do well at school, I like this feeling so I am going to do better at school – sounds good doesn’t it. However, if that condition of worth is that you are told that you are lazy and will amount to nothing, over time that turns into your reality and so you don’t bother trying and give up.

Let’s not go into other areas why people behave the way they do such as abuse, neglect, controlling behaviour, bullying etc, but they can react in ways which are challenging and downright weird and for a business owner who has 1000 things to do, trying to unpick an employee is yet another thing to do. But without understanding and seeing the employee as potential, wrapped up in strange behaviour, they will stay just a pain that feels like they are trying to kill you.

Of course, people’s personal lives are not your problem but when they come and work for you, they kind of are and so you have choices, sack them and start again or try and work out what is going on and help them to grow and become an asset to the company.

So, add your own conditions of worth and your own history which controls your behaviour, and it is not surprising that staff can feel overwhelming or untrustworthy or even homicidal at times.

Let’s have a chat and see if I can help you feel better and be better.

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